Get to Know Allen

John Allen Fox was born on May 14, 1980 in Tucson, AZ.  From day one he became legend, for he was affectionately know at the hospital as “Mighty Mouse” for being largest baby born that day in Tucson.  From there his legend grew quickly.

The large Hispanic population in Tuscan all began to take notice, and while walking down the streets you would hear spontaneous chants breakout, as they would passionately scream “Viva La Juan Zorro.” Juan Zorro is the literal Spanish translation for John Fox.

Due to young John’s parents becoming concerned of his overexposure at a young age, in the middle of the night they left Tucson for California, and decided to start calling him Allen so he would be harder to find.  What the Fox Parent’s didn’t know and regret to this day was that this has caused a 28 year drought in Arizona, now relegating it to a vast desert land.

Ironically enough, once Allen arrived in California that states fortunes soon changed for the better: the Lakers, Dodgers, and 49ers began winning championships, the state started producing world famous wine, the population grew by 150%, and property values rose by triple digits, all because of one divine little boy.

Once again, the exposure became too overwhelming, reporters and tabloid beat writers camped outside the Fox house.  Helicopters from around the world constantly flew over the house, just to get a glimpse of this perceived “new messiah.”

Due to simlar past pretenses, the Foxes were forced to move again, this time to SoCal.  Soon his location was found out, San Diego country decided they would plant a fruit in honor of Allen’s presence, it’s known as the Avocado.  To this date, San Diego County is the largest Avocado producer in the world.  In less than a year, the Foxes moved to two different locations in SoCal, Rancho (Later renamed to Temecula in honor of Allen’s arrival) and Fallbrook, and once again, populations boomed, fortunes increased and a public state of euphoria had taken over.

Right before the Foxes left, a town hall meeting was held in Fallbrook, and they decided to change the name of the town to Utopia.  The vote was unanimous, and once again chants of “Viva La Juan Zorro” erupted on the streets; however, the story didn’t end well for California either, as Allen was soon moved again.  The Foxes had to find a remote location, without major media outlets, and constant distractions, they wanted young Allen to experience a childhood like all other normal boys.

So they grabbed their belongings, and in the middle of the night moved to Arkansas.  From that day forth, mudslides, forest fires, and earthquakes dominated the landscape of California.  Crime rates increased as did poverty, so did their socialistic values which forced the state into bankruptcy.  One day shortly after some frustrated police offices took their frustration out on a poor man that went by the name of Rodney King. A vast beating of epic proportions ensued, as did riots.

All the moving and constant attention took its toll on young Allen, and he began to take his frustrations out on his little brother, Joseph.  His signature torture technique, “Two-boys-one-cup,” was performed countless times whenever young Joe’s friends visited the palatial Fox Estate.  However, Allen soon eliminated this torture technique from his vast repertoire, when he began to have a sneaking suspicion that they began to enjoy it.   This was soon confirmed to Allen’s dismay when he caught Joseph and Aaron Clark performing this vile act.

Allen wasn’t all about tormenting his little brother.  He decided it was a required method in order to toughen-up the young small lad.  This did work, as Allen predicted.  Once that mission was complete he began to dominating athletics, he was a gifted football, baseball, and basketball player.  All he would soon know was championships and lour.

From there, Allen went to college, where he soon learned to dominate the party and lady scene.  Although, this lifestyle has taken its toll on Allen’s chiseled body.  To this day, he still maintains a rather coarse and rough lifestyle, his body, once compared to Da Vinci’s David, now resembles that of Phil Mickelson, a truly poor sight to behold.

Although this bothered Allen; it truly bothered his friends and loved ones that use to marvel at his physic.  They once again wanted a free, real life David in their own backyard.  So that’s how the challenge began, and if you wish, and you will, you can follow Allen’s progress back to a road of invincibility on <> .

Famous quotes on Allen Fox:

*       “he acts like summer and walks like rain”
*       “Possesses a water cannon that can pee in upwards of 20 feet.
*        “Prefers decaff coffee with three shots of espresso added in”
*       “he once made an excuse, just to see what an excuse was”


Full Name: John “Allen” Fox Jr.

Nickname: Juan Zorro

Age: 29 (As of May 14th)

Height: 5’-10”

Weight: 197

Shoe Size: 10-1/2

Occupation: Project Manager

Preferred Title: See nickname

If you could have dinner with three people, who? Magnus Von Magnuson and Steadman Von Steadman (The real most interesting man in the world – stay thirsty my friend), Winston Churchill, General George Patton

Place you’d like to go that you’ve never been? Scandinavia, New Zealand, Morocco, Turkey, Kenya, Nepal, Chile, Galapagos Islands, China , Bora Bora

Favorite Quote: “You will lose a lot of money chasing women, but you will never lose any women chasing money.” And “have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, and Socrates…..morons” 

Best advice you ever received: “trust your instincts, they have always proven right”

Dream Job:  Fly Fishing Guide (Full-time) a wine and movie critic (part-time)

Who is your hero:  Steadman Von Steadman

Favorite Band / Musician: Radiohead

Favorite Playwright: Andrew Samuels

Favorite Book: Gang Leader for a Day

Favorite Food: 4lbs or prime grade tenderloin marinated in 100 degree apple sauce for 20 minutes, and room temperate apple sauce for 2 hours, my special seasoning, smoked over an apple wood fire at 140 degrees for six hours, and enjoyed with my favorite people

Favorite Movie: Tie: Glory, Last of the Mohicans, Good Will Hunting, and Bring it On!

Favorite way to spoil yourself (treat): Boulevard Wheat while sitting on a pristine body of water

Favorite place to shop: Home Depot

Favorite hobby: Being outdoors

Favorite Cartoon character: George Jetson and the girl from Roger Rabbit (She’s Sooooo fine! – that’s for you Arnie)

Favorite website: and


2 Responses to “Get to Know Allen”

  1. foxy1982 Says:

    Any coincidence in the crime EXPLOSION in Little Rock when we moved there?

  2. juan zorro Says:

    that was due to the rodney king beating in LA – it is all

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